


Conner and hank go to the HOME DEPOT

by MazinConner



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-09-06 19:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16838812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MazinConner/pseuds/MazinConner
Summary: They go to the HOME DEPOT





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written by my brother i have taught him everything I know

Parte 1: introduction

It was a shockinlgy clar day in the city of detriot become human and hank was enjoying a steaming hot cup of robo coffee out of his robo mug at the robo policer station at his robo desk with his robo magazine-tablet and his robo computer when suddenly connor appeared behind hank seemingly out of nowherer and said “Hank i think there is an idsue we need to have resloved” in a voice that was definiteley too loud for how close he was to hank.  
“What is it also please back off” hank said in that ever so hank-like tone of voice he said things in  
“You- oh yeah sure” connor said, backing up. “You know how in that last chap- i mean mission i got shot in the fucking face?” connor said  
“Yeah” hank said “that fucking sucked” he said again  
“And you know how i analyse stuf with my mouth right?” said connor  
“Yeah” hank said, turning the pages of his robo tablet magazine that was expositing on the state of the world  
“Yeah well I think my mouths broken cause i cant analyze stuff like the blue blood or red blood either for that matter which is weeirfnd cause that doesnt usyslly happne when i get bruttally murdered and come back” said connor  
“Huh, weird” said hank  
“Hank i need to be able to taste stuff wioth my mouth to do all the official detective work we do to protect the city of detrrout become humam” said connor  
“Alright fine, let me take a look inside and see if i know what the fuck is even going on inside that weird robo head of yours” hank said nonchalalantly  
“Like a dentist?” asked connor sincerely  
“No you lovable doofus, like a mechanic” hank retorted  
“What the fuck you can just do that?” asked connor, confused by the lore i am now introducing to david cagggggggges masterpiece detriote bocome hunan  
“Yeah theres a panel in your back all i need is like a screwdriver or some shit, you gotta take your shirt off though since this is a fanfiction and all” hanj said  
“Oh okay sure” connor said, and then proceeded to romove his shirt in a way completely not gay to the viewers. “Okay now what?’ said the now shirtless conor  
“Let me just find a screwdriver” hank said, openening and rimmaging through all the drawreewds in his cool future robo detective desk of the future. Several minutes passed, connor would be starting to feel cold if he wasnt a robot detective man, meanwhile hank continued his search, saying words like “fuck” and “dshit” and “ass” whenever he found a drawere that contained a distinctive lack of screwdrivers.  
After likean hour or somthing hank proclaimed “there are litterally zero fucking screwdrivers in this entitre police station fuck the future”  
“Hank you seem stressd” connor said, worried about his good buddy hank  
“We gotta go buy some screwdrivers so we can fix your funky robot mouth you funky robot” hanks explained “and i know where to go to get them”  
“But hank, you just got to the office an hour and fifteen minutes ago, and you’vee been looking for screwdrivers for an hour of that time” connor explained “you can’t just leave”  
“What was that?” hank said, just leasving with connor beside him  
“Well, hank, since we’re now going on this impromtue adventure to find screrwdrivers, where are we going?” said connor with a tinge of worry in his robo-voic  
“We’re already ehre connor look infront of yourself ans see the testament to mans hubris that stands before you” hanks said, gestrueing to the megastrusture that stood before the both of them. The large orange letters that hung on the front of the 1000000000 story building in front of them A grim reminder of what they were about t get themswelves into for the sole purpose od finding a screwdriver set to fix connors detective mouth

“HOME DEPOT”

“Is this the place” connor asked  
“Yeah i just said that” hank etorted  
“Oh sorry” connor appologiezed  
“Thats okay your still my cool robo partner” complimented hank  
“Thanks” said connor  
“No prob” said hank  
“What’s a prob?’ asked connor  
“Its short for problem, it’s no problem” hank said  
“What’s no problem?” asked connor  
“You asking if this is the place after i said that this is the place” hank explained  
“Oh yeah sorry about that” cponnoir appoligized  
“No it’s okay it’s not a problem” said hank  
“Oh okay” said connor  
“Okay” said hank  
“Okay” said connor  
“Okay copnnor let’s go” said hank  
“But wehere here already” said conor  
“I meant inside, let’s go inside the HOME DEPOT” SAID HANK  
“Why’d you say it like that?’ asked conondert  
“Say what like what?” asked hank, confused  
“Home depot, why did you say it like that?” connor said, elaborating on his previous inquiry  
“I don’t know what youre talking about i say HOMEW DEOPT the same whay everyone selse does” hank said defensevly  
Androuds and humans alike passed by the two detectves as they had this intellectual conversation that only the old scholors themdelvses could even hope to rival  
“Anyway lets go inside” hank said in an attempt to distance himself from connor s line of detective questioning about how he says HOME DEPOT like that  
“Okay sure” connor said, allowing hank to get out of his detective questioning cause they have bigger fish to fry at the moment like fixing connors mouth

Connor and hank enterd the bustling bottom floor the the HOME DEPTRO, hank grabbed an orang basket and immedietley walked up to the first sales representantivce he could find.  
“Hey im looking for a set of screwdrivers so i can ficx my robo partner in the opposite of crime” hank explained to the sales reepresnentive  
“What patnedr?” said the repesentative  
“Oh he’s right he-” hank said, turiniong around to realize that connor was no longer behind him. “Oh that lovable idiot” hank sighed “guess i gotta look for him before i can continue my quest for screwdrivers”  
“What” asked the sales rep  
Hank walked away to go look for that robo scamp of a partner

To be contineiend?


	2. Parte 2: The Megastructure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the other guys show up

It was now a shockingly rainy night as connor wandered the hallowed halls of the HOME DEPOT, fasicnated by the littany of household doodads that humans needed to fill the gaping hole of loneliness that the economic instability ad pilitical duress of the last 438413 hours has formed. He also stikl has his shirt off cause he isny burdened by the concept of socisl norms that binds humans to their monotonos lives. Conor was so enamored by the barrage of fundamentally uselless items that eh ahsd alrweady lost track of why eh ahd been dragged to HOOLME DPOETPT in the first pplace. Connor had wandered onto floor 65426, when sudeenly a very familiar looking perosn walked up behind connor and said “what gives you the right to be me you faker im the only me around herere in these parts so i dont knwo whuy you bothered toio show oyur facve in this here HOIME DEPOETalso are oiuy not wearing a shirt why are you not wearing a shrit”  
“WHat, sorry i wasn’t paying atenttion i was lokkiong at theseese chanedleiers” connor said shirtlessly, turinffg arouijd to face the shirted person/robot that was talking to hoim in such an aggressive manner  
“I said- oh wow those are some nice chandeleirs” the other connor like entitty said “anyway, i said that your shouldnt hbe here in this HIMEO DEPOJIMA becuase your me and im the only me that needs to be here”  
Connor respomded “I honeestly don’t know what youre tlking about, im’ me”  
“Ha, i’m me he sauys” sayd the wider of the two connors  
“Whyd youu say that?” asked conor seriously  
“Well i just think its funny thatsd youd say that when obviiouslky im the real me” ohter wider connor said in a very mean tone  
“Well if i’m going to debate the meaning of existrence and individuality with you, strange wider me, what should i call you?’ asked connor  
“Well, you should call me connoor becaus im the real connor so just call me connor connor” said mean connor  
“Well that wont work cause thats relley hard to keep track of in the written medium so im ogonna neeed you to think of a better name for yourself buddy” retorted og connor  
New age connor repleied “Well i guess you can call mne better connor cause im better tha-”  
“Wide connor it is then” said connor  
“Whait you can’t just do that” said wide connor  
“Looks like it stuck though” said connor  
“What do you mean?” asked wide connor  
“Well now your being reffered to as ‘wide connor’ and im being refered to as just ’connor’ so the name struck i guess” replied connor  
“Referred to where?” asked wide cononor  
“The fanfic” said connor  
“What fanfic?” asked wide connor  
“The story currently encompessinsng the entirrerty of our existence, which is utilizing characters from the masterpiece that si davad caaaaaaaaaaagas hit game for the ps3 detreoit bedome himan” said connor  
“Wow thats fucked up anyeway are you actually herere for someneting?” asked wide connor who has also been dressed as a sasalees represesntetive this whole timre becaus ehe aslo works at the HOME DEOEPT as a saeles reperesentititve when he isnt asking hank and connor questions in the basement of a differernt megastructure theat resides withting the borders of the majestic city of dretroit become hunman  
“I am actually here for somoethinang i jst can’t for the livfe of me remember what it was get it because im a robot anfd thus dont actually have a life because i am simply a program controlling a vesel made of synthetic skin polymer and weird data transfering blue liquid” said connor  
“I actually do get it because i am also a robot your not that special buddy we all got our shit” said wide connor  
“Well that was rude and i dont like you adn i also think you should go because your not heloping me with the situation i finfd myself in” said connor  
“Well fine if you need any help just holler and ill antagonize you more and also maybe help you out if theres someone more reasonable with you” said wide connor, who then walked away  
“Wow what a mean me” said connor, still looking at the chandeliers without wearing a shirt

Hannk had endedd up on the 45436th floor still searching for connor and aslo some kind of way to figure out where the fuvck any d=godamn screwdrivers were in this home imporovement hellhole that was actually yhe opposite of a hole becasue the HOME DEPOT is a building that comes out of the ground whereas a hole goes into the grouhnd  
“Where the fuck is connor and also any godamn scrrewdriviers that i need to use on conor” exclaimed hankl at the top of jis liungs  
At that very monmemt someone crashed into hank and casued him to fall over but the person that bumbpered into hank aslo fell over  
“Ouch fuck ow ooph oh hey gavin” said hank, getting from up from the ground with his frail human skeleton bones  
“Fucjk ow ouch oph hey hank what brings you to the HOME DEPEOT?’ asked gavin who is now in this story becasue i just introduced him seamlessley right there  
“I came here to the HOME DEPOT to get some screwdrivers so i can open up connor and fix his mauth which is broken since he got shot in the fucking face earlier in the game i mean story i mean week” expoisoited hanank  
“Oh that’s nice of you to do that for connor whwiwle he’s out with broke mouth” said gavgin  
“No i broiugh him with me but he got lost in the HOOME DEPEOT” said hank  
“Wow that sure is classic connnonoor the stupid robot prick did i mention i dont like robot i think theyre are dumb and lame UNLIKE HIMOE DEPOTE” said gavin  
“Yes i know it;s your one defining charactersisstsc that our lord and savior dacid cagage ghave you for the total 20 minutes of screen time you have in the most important work of the modern age dretrroit ebcome huimasn” snarked hank  
“Wow okay rude im gonna go keep looking for scrrewdrivers by the way im also lookign for screwdrivers anyway byebye” said gavin, rushing off to find screwdrivers but not connor  
“Wow i always forget about that guy” said hank, rushhing off to fond screrwdrivers but also cononor

To be contitntierued??


	3. What Is A Man, But A Miserable Pile Of Screwdrivers?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more other guys show up

Paerte 3: What Is A Man, But A Miserable Pile Of Screwdrivers?

Rihcter had been wandering the HONMLE DEOP[PT for around a fortninte searching for the pieces of dracula thatd been scattered abroungd the billion floors of the home depot which had been built on the old foujdnfations of the dracula manor in the late nintneies. Having already collectioned the arms (hiddeden in floor 3927 next to the paninininininini presseseses) and spine (hidendende on floor 2047 inside a small ouyrdoor grill) of dracila, he only had to find the rest of his fucking stupid body. Ricther did not enjoy this and wished he could be chuggin a ice cold brewskie with his pal simon but it was his trun to collect the dracule pieces, it said so on the chore wheel.

“Alright, where, and what, the fuck am i doing” rictrer said to nobodody in particleltular as he pulled out his blast-processed map of the HPOOIOPKME DOEPOEPT, upon whihch was marekeed the generaliezed locations of the piececes of draclule. “Guess ill look for like an arm or some shit, god i hoipe both of them are together this time its sucj a pain in the ass to find the limbs of draculele when his arms and legs and shit are all sepereate why the fuck fo they do that fucking asshole dracxula piecees hiders are fuckin assholes anyway where are arms”

As ricter looked down at his map a old detective looking guy walked past him mumbling something about screwdrivers. He sounded kinda like mr krabs. Richter paid him no mind.

“Oh fuck are you godamn kidding me sonefoabitchc!” rihctcter exclaimed “they’re by the screwdrivers on the roof?! Who fucking does that? Who built this store? This HIOMEKE DEPEPTPEPOT is garbagage and toooooo big”

“What the fuck did you just say?” said the mr kreabes detective man who was suddenly ver very close to richchter  
“Holy fucking christ dude back off i said this HOMEME DEPEPTPTOT sucks ass” explained richter  
“No before that” asked the obviously grizzled detective  
“I asked who built this HOIOIONME DEPOT” answered richeter  
“No before that” asked the old dude  
“I asked who does that, that being hididng limbs on the top floor of the HOME DEPEPTO” said ricchchter  
“No before that” asked the person voiced and mocappped buy Clancy Brown  
“I said the arms are by the screrwdrivers on the roof” explained ric  
“So your going to the roof, which is where the screwewewew driversers are?” asked the guy who looked a lot like hank from dasbid cahes detwoit bwcome hwoman  
“Yeah” answered richerter  
“Can i follow you cause i have lost track of where i am and how long i have been trapped in this absolute nightmare of a HOMENENE DPOEPOPT”  
“Yeah sure whwaterverver man, whats your name?” asked richete  
“The names hank, hank become human” said hank hank become human  
“Cool, nice to meetcha hank, the name’s richter” said the names rivhter  
The two then wandered vaguely out of frame together

Alucard had been backdashing through the HIMEOME DEPOLPOT for as long as he could feasibly remember, long enough for him to have fogottern his original quest. He couln’dt remember a time when he wasnt backdashing around the HOKE DEOPT leveling up his states or some shit i dont know what actually ahppnes in SoTN. suddenly he backdashed into a robot or some shit and tumbleled throgh 84858 aisles.  
“Ow” said the funny robot man, getting up from the ground  
“Oh shit sorry dude i cant really see where im goping when i do that” apologiezed alucard “hey do you know what floor we’re on?  
“No, i have lost track of all spacial relativity withing the confines of this defintely cursed home depot” shared the oddly charming and also shirtless robot “i cant seem to get a grasp of how the labrynthine structure of the home depot actually works, nor can i firmly grasp the passage of time”  
“Yo same this place is definitely fucked” exposited alicard “on account of it being biult on top of a very very very veyr veyrey veyryey very cursed mansions foundation”  
“Well thats weird why were there cursed mansion foundations in the glorious city of detrteoit become human?” asked the goofy bot  
“Its a long story but to summarize: Dracula” summarized alucard “hey what’s your name the author is runnung out of weird ways to refer to you” asked alucard, not minding the 4th wall  
“I dont have any records on any dracula, also my name is connor” said connor  
“Nice to meet you connor im aluidcard which is draciula backwards, dont pay attentioin to that tho its not really important” said dralucard  
“Okay” said connor  
“so… how about that weath-” said dracula before getting cut of by con-  
“OH FUCK” exclaimed connorornor  
“Shit dude you good?” asked alucard sincerely  
“I REMEMBER WHY IM EHRE, I GOTTA GET SCREDRICIVERS” shouted connor  
“Oh those are on the roof” said alucARD casusually  
“Hey my new buddy and friend alucard do you know how to get to the roof from whatever floor we we currently find outrselcves on in this non euclidian abyss that is this hiome depot?” asked connor as shirtlessly as he could  
“Yeah i can take you there if you want its not like im really doing anything here except leveling up my stats and backdashing” said alucard  
“Alucard youre cool lets go” said connor  
“Hell yeah i love friends” said alucard  
And then they went

To be contitniued?


	4. Paerte 4: A moving box, or is it a cube?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where it gets extremely stupid

Paerte 4: A moving box, or is it a cube?

It was impossible to disccscern the weather from whihthtin the metall box that alucard and copnnor currently found themselves resideing in for the duratoin of this scenene.  
“Hey cool new goth friend alclucard?’ asked cononor  
“Yeah shirtless scredriver friend man connor?” responded dracula backwards  
“Why did you take me to this cold metal box that had a door but now doesnt?” asked connor  
“It’s how we get to other floors” answered alucaddrd  
“But you didnt press any buttons when we walked in here, we just wl;aked in then the doorsd closdoed and then it felt tlike we started moving” elaborated conpnoer  
“Yeah” responded alucard  
“How do we know what floor wereere goign to?” asked connor  
“Yean” replied alucard  
“How do we know when we get to where we’re going?”  
“Yeah”  
“What dicatateds what floor we go to?”  
“Yeah”  
“How does this get us to the roof?”  
“Yeah”  
“Can you actually explaiin abnyhting to me or is this jutst some sick cruel aweful joke yourer playing on me i csaant beleivfere youdf do thidns to me lioiek thids aftyerer ewewe hasd juyst become friendds an-”  
ALUcard cut off connor mid-crytype but in this case it was also real speach eminating from connors speaker mouth/throat “look the elevators work on theyr own its because this place is cursed as fuck from all the evil dracula forwards energy buried deeep undfreground and also scattereeered accross all 1000000000 floors of thisa HOIIUMEMEME DOEPEOTOTTETPTOT”  
“Why would we take a box that moves us to another random floor instead of the stairs?” asked connor who quiclkluy recovered from befor  
“You wanna climb 2857143 miles of stairs?” asked alucard incredulesly  
“Im a robot i’ll do whatever the heck i want” repleid connor fwerocoiusly  
“The moving box is faster, trust me” said alucard trustingly  
“Or is it a cube?” asked connor to himself without an7y intention of excpecting an answer.  
An incrediblt long silence insued. It lasted approcinmately 5.256e+6 minutes, it was very long and silent and awkward at points but connor and alucard weathered the storm that was this silenceseces and if you were to ask them about this legendary silence years from now they would regard it fondly as it was during this long silecence that both connor ands alsicucuASKLJBASEDF;LKIHASDFH;JOILUASFD HOIU’ FSDAHOI WEFADOHI’ EWFO IH FEWD OHI ASDF OUH SAFD OHI FAWDS OIH WDF OI’HJ WDF I’J WEAF IJ WEF’P IUJ WREOI HWEADF PJIWEF’LOIUJASDFG;LOI ZXDFJKHVASDV’POIISE R]-[0 I WTE U9PO fasde upio vfasde poiujasdf;olijdsfg   
I[0pas defg;oiyas derliugASD’OLIPUJasd  
[POASDFG’PJIOXCFH’;LP OKSD FG’ P0OIO FTwe  
[-poQAWR;L IJXDFSG;HOUGASDF O’IH GASFD JP’I AGDSFU POJ  
Faes[i  
pREQW-09IWQKJHSXDFGLKHJ

\-----------REBOOTING----------

10 years later, the moving cube’s doors reappear and open, connor and alucard take a cautious peek out.

Before them was the summer sun, the wind at their backs, and the seemingly boundless expanse of the ocean

Hank and richter were also unable to tell how the weather was outside from whiththin the stairwell they were steadily but assurewdly scaling  
“I hate stairs” complained hank, now conspicuoulsy dressed as a cowboy  
“Well, the elevatorsa are busted, so this is our only option” said richter  
“Hell i didnt even know this place had elevators” said hank  
“I mean they work, but they’re pretty just metal cubes” said richter  
“Or are they boxes?” muttered hank  
Yeah anyway they pretty much just take you to any randome floor in this whole structure, and let me tell you that this place has some weird floors” said richetter  
“Like what?” asked hank, curoious as to what unspeakable horrors the HOME DEPOOT might contain  
“ theres one floor thats JUST spaghtetti strainers, fuckin wacky right bro?” said richter  
“Yeah thats pretty weird” said hank  
“Yeah thats almost definiteetly the weiredest floor in this whole building, except maybe the roof” said rigfhgchter  
“What exactly is so bad about the roof?” asked hank  
“Its just screwdrivers and dracula” said richter casually  
“Screwdrivers and what?” asked hank  
“Dacula. yknow, dracula? Big fangs? Huge castle? Spreads his limbs across the land for a memeber of the belemont family line to collect, assemble, and then destroy the fully complete form of every hundred some odd years? That dracula?” exposited richtedr  
“Never heard of him” said hank  
“Yeah he doesnt really come up to these parts very often, guess he thought he could throw a fast one past ol’ richty here but he guessed wrong he sure did yessiry sir he sure did” said richter  
“Cool” said hank “so hes at the top?”  
“Well he will be once we get all of his pieces up on the alter that up there, yknowe, next to the screrwdrivers” said richter  
“So what if you dont put him back togethert?” asked hank  
“Well then i dissapoint the belmont frat for generations to come, and i’d probably be very sad about that” said rigvchter  
“But dracula wouldnt come back?” asked hank  
“hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnope probably not no i dont thikn he would no” answered richter  
“But you’d be sad” said hank  
“Yeah” replieeerwed richter  
“Well we cant have that” said hank sarcastically  
“Nope!” said richter unsarcastically  
A long silence passed before hank would break the silence  
“Hey rich, how many more flights do we have left?”  
“Oh only about 36276216721491872515219414514563241  
6346513  
54hkjl  
“Vbgh;j’l;kjsdfrg;ikouhsdf;ikoujhaser;l’ikhjas er] po9iqEWR-0[IQ 240=98 W35IUGHQWERV [O90IU qv ou yg AMHBGCSDoi8yQOIPUYQSE TGP]M0WERYTPO98QWEKHBY GVASDFL IUHASDRKB UIY GDF ;Oseo9uawserujgdfglkn axdvpoiAFSE [BOY8I WERT [08Y RQWE OUFYadfgx a4poin y tjkUILASYUO:P”I LRSOIUYBG casygl AESRCKBIUYGarckuygtASujygADYHTFASDIUYGawelujyASOYIasdiuytsASDTRAsuytfASDYUJfawuy tFASJYHTfqastyUHXRQWDFPBOWQ8REVYBRTNE9P[UWCEWR 68Vg fsyacjhlR QECWFT8V76ODacs igyluhgyiofddsaTUYR68TR5QOW czxbkn>mHO;UEFWT78OYadsh;gjkixzdSAOI’HJ9Y83RQ2 9PYU7IDFSA

\-------------REBOOTING-------------

10 years later, hank and richter would scale the final step of the HOME DEPOT, and open the door to the roof, only to be met by the one robot he didnt want to meet

Standing across from them, blocking theyre path to the both the dracula altar, and the screwdrivers, was wide connor and gavin

To be contifndsiued?


End file.
